Male order brides

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Male order brides

Zahrah Nasir
Published: July 19, 2010


The recent hue and cry surrounding incidents of inhumane treatment metered out to Pakistani origin brides by their husbands and in-laws in UK, where a variety of organisations are pushing for changes in the law in order to safeguard the victims' future if they opt, or are allowed, to stay in that country, represents only one side of a very sorry coin indeed.

‘Imported’ brides here in Pakistan, particularly British nationals of Pakistani origin, often face a life of absolute hell with little, if any, recourse to the laws their ‘exported’ sisters benefit from.

People tend to presume that British brides of Pakistani origin are fully aware of the lifestyle they will be expected to live here and that both spousal and family demands will be familiar territory but…quite often, this is far from the case.

Saima for example (not her real name), was born and brought up in Salford, Manchester, and in her 19 years of life had never set foot in Pakistan until she here arrived as a bride. “I didn’t even speak very good Punjabi,” she admitted with a rueful smile. “And, the little I did speak was with a broad Lancashire accent that people found hard to understand. My family wasn’t particular strict, not in a Pakistani sense that is. My two older brothers and myself went to ordinary schools in Salford where there is a large Pakistani community, some of whom settled in UK generations ago. My grandparents came from a little village in Punjab but both my parents were born in UK so they were reasonably modern in attitude. I had lots of friends, mostly girls from school and a few boys and not all of them had a Pakistani background. We went to school dances, the occasional disco and hug out together in shopping malls and the like. At home we watched lots of movies, all western stuff not Asian. My brothers both married British girls from outside the Pakistani community and, despite my parent’s always having said that I would have to marry someone from ‘back home’ I really didn’t think they meant it seriously. I thought they were just joking around and making sure that I didn’t get seriously involved with anyone before I finished my studies. Then, out of the blue, two men arrived from Pakistan and everything changed.”

Unknown to her, Saima’s parents had decided that she was to marry a second cousin, who, at 41 years old and twice divorced, owned a large tract of agricultural land. The prospective groom had made it quite clear that Saima would be expected to reside with him in Pakistan as he had no wish to move to UK.

“My mum and dad were quite thrilled by it all and thought they were doing the best they could for me. A wealthy husband with his own land was not to be sniffed at in their eyes even though he had been married twice before. I hated the idea of marrying an ‘old’ man and, being an outspoken person, said so. My parents and I had some terrible fights. I wanted the freedom to choose my own husband and I didn’t want to leave my life and studies and go to live in a country I had only heard bad things about. Anyway, he came here with his younger brother and, between my parents and them, they convinced me that living in Pakistan would be a wonderful adventure and that, as my prospective husband was rich, that I would live a life of total luxury with lots of opportunity for foreign travel. In the end I gave in. Stupid, idiot that I am!”

The marriage took place within hours of Saima landing in the country. “My husband was rather overbearing from the start, even in Salford to be honest,” she continued. “But, it wasn’t until we reached the lands that I realised the trouble I was in. The place was miles from anywhere and the extended family, about 17 of them, all lived in the house and, instead of welcoming me, immediately started ordering me around, telling me what to wear and laughing at how I speak. Basically, I was treated like a servant and, frankly, the servants were better off than me as at least they got the occasional break. There was an annex that I wasn’t allowed near. It was heavily shuttered and I sometimes thought I heard children there. We’d only been married two weeks when he started beating me and I mean really beating me up. The slightest thing set him off and my in-laws just accepted it as normal. I wasn’t allowed to phone my parents and if they phoned me, my husband would stand right next to me so he could hear every word. I was petrified that he would eventually kill me. No matter how I was forced to slave away from morning until late at night when he and his friends sat around drinking, he still expected me to be available even if I was asleep on my feet. It was a full month before he told me that he’d only married me so that he could say that he had a foreign wife and that when he got fed up of my complaining he would lock me away with the others.”

Saima eventually discovered that her husband hadn’t divorced his two previous wives but kept them, under lock and key along with their three children, in the annex she had been forbidden from entering. She also learnt that one of the other wives was completely bedridden as a direct result of the beatings he’d given her.

She was lucky as she managed to contact her brothers who came and took her home. Other imported wives in violent situations have nowhere to turn.
The writer is a Murree-based freelance columnist.


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